To August of 2015, when I was waiting to pick up my wife, as she arrived back in Baltimore from the visit to her sister’s house in mid-America, I stopped in at a nearby big-box store (no, NOT Target) for a few things. And when I first arrived, a restroom visit was in order.
I was dressed in typical androgynous mode – white shorts, bright blue tee top, and feminine white sandals – all from the women’s department. Picture of sandals below. I was carrying my purse, and of course I had all my normal feminine cues, including my long hair and nails, with light pink toe nails. The unisex toilet option was not available as the door was locked – presumably occupied. So I used the men’s room, which was empty upon my arrival. So far, so good.
As I washed my hands, a man entered, apparently noticed me standing at the sink (with my purse toward the door, plainly visible) and reversed course long enough to re-check that he had indeed entered the men’s room. As he re-entered, he announced “Ma’am, you do know you’re in the men’s room?” And he headed for the urinals.
Feeling just a bit feisty, I replied back, in my normal voice “Yes, but thank you so much for pointing that out.” And as I had finished drying my hands, I exited, leaving him standing at the urinal, probably not “aiming well” because he was staring intently at me, and obviously not quite sure what had just happened. Wonder if he drenched himself? We’ll never know…
After finishing my shopping, before checking out and heading out to the next stop, I stopped at the snack bar for lunch, and decided to wash my hands before eating, since with burgers, a knife and fork generally aren’t provided. Once again, I tried the unisex toilet door – still locked, occupied – or maybe at this point, out of order. So I ducked into the men’s room again and went straight to the sink. Deja vu – in walked a man, fortunately not the same one as a half hour earlier. He said almost the same thing as the man did earlier, and it resulted in almost the same response from me as I walked out, also leaving him staring at me as I disappeared around the corner…
The lunch counter cashier, “free-sample clerk”, check-out clerk, and the “checker” at the door (all under-40 females) universally used “Ma’am” in our interactions.
This is a diametrically opposite response from the one I noticed on my recent weekend journey into the hinterlands of rural northern Maryland and the rural southeastern tier of Pennsylvania. There, only a few folks vocally acknowledged my femininity – and I clearly was wearing a feminine outfit – skirt and blouse, sandals, with full makeup and jewelry, including earrings.
In the more urban areas, (wearing a much more androgynous outfit with no makeup, and only a necklace for jewelry), being addressed as female is more frequent…and very affirming. The only thing I can attribute this to is the more liberal mind-set held by residents of the more-urban areas. Of course, there may be other causes. But possessing a fully-feminine appearance does not seem to be one of the deciding factors…
I picked up my wife mid-afternoon at the commuter rail station, and we headed home, luckily skirting a couple of traffic slow-downs (we know back roads) enroute to the bridge (which fortunately was un-congested.) And with no more stops, there were no more chances for “miss-identifications.”
It was a good day…
Mandy
Mandy's Miscellany 
I think it is just a matter of who you encounter and what is in their mind at the time. I have heard that the first thing that people ping on when meeting someone new is that person’s gender. You confuse people. The other day we went to visit a friend and we had to go through a security gate. There was a uniformed guard at the gate who was presenting as female. She had light makeup, long hair, etc. She also was large in size and had a deep voice and her beard shadow was starting to show through the makeup. I did not address her in any fashion and as we pulled away I asked my wife if she could tell. We would have both voted as the person being a male but presenting as a woman. It was confusing to me. As such your presentation must be confusing to others.
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I suspect I confuse folks, too. But trying to transition is beyond the realm for me at this point in life. Probably it’s that way for both of us. So we do the best we can, with the cards we are dealt.
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