During a recent “short” visit by my cousin and her husband to see her Aunt (my mother) in the nursing home, I joined them for their visit as it wasn’t a long drive for me. Fortunately, Mom was doing a bit better than during their last visit…but since they were just passing through town, we had very little time to talk. Thus I took them to lunch afterward (or so the plan was), to generate a bit more chat time.
And chat we did…till the female 50something server came up to take our orders. My cousin ordered first, and I expected her hubby to be asked to order next. How wrong I was. The server looked directly at me and said: “What would you like, Ma’am?” So I ordered, and my cousin’s hubby ordered last. Note that I was wearing shorts and a polo, with flats, long hair and by that point very long (and somewhat faded pink) nails (which hadn’t been re-done since before our vacation) and my purse was plainly visible beside me. I was a bit surprised at that turn of events, and it should have been a wake-up call.
But wait, there’s more…
The restaurant was clearing out after the lunch rush, so I made a quick restroom run – to the men’s room, the door to which was nearby. No issue there…the clerk wasn’t around. And I couldn’t use the women’s room as I wasn’t trying to present as female in front of relatives. When I returned, then came the complete surprise. I was fully prepared to treat both of them. However, when the check was presented, the server handed it directly to what she apparently perceived as the only male in the group…my cousin’s hubby! I didn’t have any say or choice in the matter…he took it and paid.
I’ll never know what they thought, or what they said when they got back into their car together (they were heading to their home about 5 hours further up the road.) But I’d be surprised if they weren’t more than a bit confused by the whole thing…from the server taking my order like she would from another female in the group, and the server giving the check directly to the man… Or perhaps that was prearranged with her while I visited the potty? I’ll never know.
It’s another unsolved mystery in the pursuit of androgyny.
Mandy's Miscellany 
I think that more and more people are simply of the live and let live variety. The server pegged you as a woman and you did not correct the server. As such I presume that your cousins figured if gendering you as a woman was OK with you they were not going to do anything about that. As for the issue of paying for lunch, while I am sure you were planning to pay it is not odd that the part of 2 paid for the 3rd rather than the party of 1 adding 2 to the checik.
LikeLike
I’m not sure either of them noticed that I was misgendered or that I didn’t correct the server. And I was obviously “asleep at the switch” when the server came by with the check. I probably could have grabbed it… I didn’t, and the rest is history.
But my cousin and hubby may already have suspicions, as they’ve previously seen me in capris and flats, and I’ve had purses, long nails and long hair for years..,.
LikeLike